Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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