so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
