Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
