No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
