tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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