i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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