Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
