did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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