Will you blow on my dice?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
