I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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