Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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