i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
