this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
