I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
