you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
