Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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