he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Randomize
