drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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