you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
