My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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