i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
