My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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