I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she told me i tasted like america
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
