Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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