24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
