some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
