I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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