Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
