Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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