So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dear god my vagina.
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