i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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