he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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