All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
