The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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