Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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