Got a toothbrush?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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