I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
