Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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