You made me cry and you don't even care
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
