just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
