Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
