dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The air was thick with penises
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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