I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
