I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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