she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
