you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
