i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
