Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
