Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
