I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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