Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
