Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
