Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
