I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
