And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
