god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
