she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
