u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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