I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
