dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
