So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
