i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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