final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Holy shit dude........stairs
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