is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
