I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
