he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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