i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
