When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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