I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
