im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
