They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize