what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I didn't notice because vodka
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize