I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
