My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
