I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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