Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
