I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
