If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
