he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
