is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
