It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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