Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize