You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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