Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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