HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
