the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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