Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
