after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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