Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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