ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
