How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
